Around two years ago, I began having nightmares. At first they were mild, and rarely happened. After a while I began to see more violent things, more blood, and more destruction. I was completely terrified, I didn't know what to do with myself. I would go to church and cry my eyes out because I was so confused. Then they started happening more frequently. It got to the point were they happened every night for months. Most people say you can never see yourself dying in a dream, but I've seen it several times. (Trigger warning) I've seen friends and family dead or bloody, sometimes I even see them killing others. I've seen the world end one too many times, and I've even seen myself about to be given off to men so that they can abuse me. And those are not even close to being the worst kind of nightmares I tend to have.
As time went by they started to happen less and less, until last night. This morning I woke up crying from what I saw, I felt the pain and the fear all too clearly. And my point is this: I thought they were going away, but I realize now that they are not. And the only difference between my nightmares and yours is that I get to wake up from mine. Your life may be worse than anything I've ever seen while I'm asleep, and from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. But you know what? Seeing so much evil for two years straight now has taught one thing, there is goodness and beauty all around. The things I see at night remind me that there are things to fight for in life. They remind me to be kind, and loving, to appreciate my life and the lives of people around me who are suffering. We are all broken people walking around in a broken world. And you might now see it, but you're beautiful. You might not see it, but there is hope. You might not see it, but you are strong, and you're not alone. And you might not believe in a God at all, but He is real. Pain is real, but so is God.
Maybe our nightmares will never go away, maybe we'll have to live with them forever. I can't promise that it'll get better, and I can't promise that it'll be worth it. The kind of hope you need is one I cannot give you, you have to fight for it. But I will say this: every morning what amazes me is the fact that DESPITE all the crap I've seen, despite the fact that I can never unsee those things, I still wake up, get out and have some kind of day. Sometimes it's a good day, sometimes it's a bad day, but it is always a day in which I can see more clearly the beautiful parts of life.
"Not everything that burns is fire
Not everything that falls is rain
Defeat is just a desire
Do not give in to the pain"
- Anonymous
Go, live this day.
- Diana :)
As time went by they started to happen less and less, until last night. This morning I woke up crying from what I saw, I felt the pain and the fear all too clearly. And my point is this: I thought they were going away, but I realize now that they are not. And the only difference between my nightmares and yours is that I get to wake up from mine. Your life may be worse than anything I've ever seen while I'm asleep, and from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. But you know what? Seeing so much evil for two years straight now has taught one thing, there is goodness and beauty all around. The things I see at night remind me that there are things to fight for in life. They remind me to be kind, and loving, to appreciate my life and the lives of people around me who are suffering. We are all broken people walking around in a broken world. And you might now see it, but you're beautiful. You might not see it, but there is hope. You might not see it, but you are strong, and you're not alone. And you might not believe in a God at all, but He is real. Pain is real, but so is God.
Maybe our nightmares will never go away, maybe we'll have to live with them forever. I can't promise that it'll get better, and I can't promise that it'll be worth it. The kind of hope you need is one I cannot give you, you have to fight for it. But I will say this: every morning what amazes me is the fact that DESPITE all the crap I've seen, despite the fact that I can never unsee those things, I still wake up, get out and have some kind of day. Sometimes it's a good day, sometimes it's a bad day, but it is always a day in which I can see more clearly the beautiful parts of life.
"Not everything that burns is fire
Not everything that falls is rain
Defeat is just a desire
Do not give in to the pain"
- Anonymous
Go, live this day.
- Diana :)