But I understand that meal time isn't a happy time for a lot of people. In fact, it can be the most stressful and dreaded times of the day. For a lot of people, thinking of eating can be painful, and actually bringing yourself to put food in your mouth brings forth a ton of negative emotions; sadness, guilt, self hatred; the list goes on and on. This is what it's like when you have an eating disorder.
Eating disorders strip away any joy that is involved in eating and replaces it with guilt. They make it nearly impossible to sit down and just enjoy a simple meal. Eating is sometimes followed by purging or over exercising or beating yourself up emotionally. It's a nasty self destructive cycle.
But I wanted to encourage you to fight it.
It's going to be hard, but I think the fight is worth it. I want you to recover, because there are so many beautiful reasons. I want you to be able to love food again. Will yourself to imagine how it would feel to eat and not be filled with self hatred, or to be able to go out for ice cream with your best friends, or to treat yourself to your favorite food without wanting to get sick afterwards. Can you imagine it? Would you believe it if I told you that this freedom is possible? Because it is. You were made for freedom.
You were made to enjoy food and all the amazingness that comes with it. There is a lot more to eating than just nourishing your body; there is more to it than numbers or calories or even taste. Eating is creating memories. And you were made to enjoy memories and enjoy life! So go to that BBQ and have that picnic or eat that popcorn at the movies. Allow yourself to enjoy a drink with a friend, or share a meal with your family. You can eat that candy bar you haven't tried since you were a kid, and let yourself be brought back to your childhood through tasting food. Don't let your eating disorder take that from you.
Food is not the enemy. It's okay if you don't eat perfect all the time, it's okay to have carbs and sugars. It's okay to drink soda every now and then. It's okay. Cook and actually eat the fruit of your labor. Bake brownies and lick the bowl. Just live.
Life is worth enjoying to the fullest.