To be brutally honest, I wanted to be skinny and pretty and lovable and all those silly things that teenage girls strive to be. I'm a perfectionist and this was one area where I wasn't perfect and therefore I wasn't pleased with myself. I love being the best and I definitely wasn't the prettiest girl I knew. I compared myself with everyone and anyone. I was slowly and unknowingly digging myself a hole I couldn't get out of.
Then one day it hit me.
I could love myself and strive to be better at the same time.
I realized that I didn't want to be skinny. I wanted to be healthy. There's such a big difference. I've got a healthy/fitness blog on Tumblr and I've really been inspired by the community of "Fitblrs" (as we call ourselves.) on there. Also with talking and interacting with our RAIM kids and seeing how they think, there is such a huge difference. There are people who want to be healthy and people who want to be skinny. I've been in one category but I've since left it to move to the other.
Beating yourself up about things (believe me, I can teach a class on how to do it. I'm good at it.) won't help you reach your goals, feeling guilty every time you eat a cupcake won't help you lose weight, and hating your body won't make it look any better. That was when I discovered that I could exercise and not get upset when I had to take a break for a minute to catch my breath, I didn't have to do push ups perfectly every time, and I could bike a little slower on days when I was tired. I could love myself. Eating right is better than not eating at all; and having a good attitude about food is great! The thing about striving to be skinny and "perfect" is that you'll never obtain that and you'll always want more and more and you'll never actually love yourself. You're allowed to love eating and love working out and love yourself! When you become comfortable with the body you have, you love it enough to do what's best for it; so that means eating right and working out. You don't do those things because you want to have a better body, you do it because you love the body you already have.
Now you probably think I'm some weird super fit girl with nice abs. (I wish.) but no. I had chocolate pie for breakfast yesterday and to be honest, I've been sitting on my butt all day, every day for the past 2 weeks. And you know what? That's life sometimes. When I start to feel like a failure and want to give up, I remember that feeling I get after a workout and how I smile brighter when I eat healthy food. You don't need to make healthy choices all the time; but a few healthy choices is better than none at all. When I say I want to be healthy I mean that I want to be healthy is every aspect of my life; emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.
After I realized all of this I had a way better self image. I want to share a few more tips and things that helped me.
-Calorie counting is for crap. (Sorry, not sorry.) If you're eating fresh, clean foods, who cares how many calories are in it? Eat less processed foods and eat more natural stuff.
-Cupcakes are good. You can eat them.
-Scales don't measure your worth. Which is why I stopped using one many years ago. Besides, you can be fit and toned and still weigh a lot.
-Mirrors lie. I'm not looking in the mirror as often as I used to and its great!
-Working can be fun! My favorite thing to do is to put on some fast paced music and dance for an hour or so. But I never want to stop because dancing is fun!
-Drink more water.
So there you have it! The cold hard truth. I love working out and getting sweaty and drinking smoothies because it makes me feel great. I also love sitting and reading a good book all day and eating an entire tub of ice cream in one night. And I can do both. And I can wear that dress in my closet because who says I can't? And I can walk tall and smile more because I love myself. The more I say it the more I'll believe it and the same is true for you. You can love yourself, you don't have to wait until you're slimmer; you can do it now.